I would love nothing more than to tell you all about Koh Samui, but I'm afraid that I didn't leave my resort for all of the 5 nights that I was there. I think I may be excused considering that I only really came to the island for one thing; to complete the "juice cleanse". Not being home in 4 months takes it's toll on the mind and body; don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a single second, but I thought I would grasp the opportunity of my beloved boyfriend's kind offer to pay for my cleanse as a Christmas gift and do some healing before the rest of le fam arrive out here and I will be hitting the booze and scrummy meals all over again. After all, I would prefer to not start work looking like a beached whale that just got spat out of the sea! Koh Samui was not my friend on the weather front, with cloudy skies and rain during the majority of the time that I was there, which was highly upsetting for the old tan lines. The hotel itself was basic but nice, and the people staying there all very friendly and supportive, especially since most of the visitors are on one health programme or another.
The long:
Saturday:
All morning I had been craving a Starbucks and holding out in the safe knowledge that there would definitely be one at Bangkok airport, when I would have nothing better to do than enjoy my caffeine treat. Having confirmed this with the man at the check-in counter I raced through security in search of my beloved Toffee Nut Latte but, alas, I had been lied to. Asking several members of staff to make absolutely sure that it was not simply hiding from me, I had to accept that there is a Starbucks in the International terminal only. Genuinely, with a broken heart, I ordered a vanilla cappuccino from some coffee-chain-wannabe and finished it without a shred of enjoyment. On the plus side, though, flying with Bangkok Airways gave me access to their rather snazzy lounge, with wifi, treats and drinks all on offer for free. I spent some time observing people that really did not need to eat any more cake repeatedly visit the dessert section, just because it was free. Human psychology is such an interesting one! Anyway, my flight took off on time and, with a very scary landing that involved the plane heavily tipping to one side, landed firmly on the ground in Ko Samui.
I was pleasantly surprised at checking into my hotel, "Spa Resorts", and being shown to my room, having read mixed reviews about the accommodation on Tripadvisor. I unpacked my suitcase for the first time in 4 weeks (HALLELUJAH) and settled into my room for the next 5 nights.
I was then taken to the TV Room where the staff showed me a video on the juice cleanse that I was about to undergo; the do's and dont's; what to expect, etc. It was filmed in approximately the 1500's and I had a good giggle at how basic some of the health tips that were being recommended were, but it was informative about my programme nonetheless and left me feeling excited and optimistic for the days ahead. I was given a green sheet stating all of the drinks and activities that I was allowed to partake in, which I must present to the kitchen every time I wish to order something.
Essentially I am allowed a bunch of drinks each day, and 1 fruit plate, although I am going to try not to have it as the health instructor told me that if I didn't eat any solids during the 4-day programme the cleanse would be deeper. The 3 x vegetable juices that I am allowed a day thankfully differ, and you can choose from 8 options, so at least there's a bit of variety. I am very excited for my 4 x 1 hour Thai massages! Although ever so slightly nervous... and dreading... my 2 x Colema sessions (I think I know what they involve but am choosing not to Google it). For dinner I had my included spa salad
and fruit plate,
both presented nicely and full of goodness, leaving me rather full and happy to retire to my bedroom. I tried to watch a film on my iPad but had no luck streaming on the evil little device so resorted to reading recipes that I intend to learn to cook in January instead!
My January aims:
1) Read the news and pretend to know what's going on in the world.
2) Socialise with my intake of W&C trainees.
3) Get fit and heal my broken, alcohol-abused travelling body.
4) LEARN HOW TO COOK and stop eating a meal of nuts every day as this is simply not going to roll in the world of work. I feel really strongly about this and now that I have (most) of the ingredients that I wish to cook with (thank you mumma) and kitchen appliances (pretty please may I re-borrow mumma?) that I need to make the dishes that I drool over, I really must make the most of the short time that I have in January to master some simple food combinations as I sure as hell will not have the time to be testing out my cooking creativity come Doom Day/February 2nd.
I dozed off inspired and ready to get my ass in that kitchen!
Sunday:
I shall be an early riser for the duration of my stay at Spa Resorts to make the most of the activities included in my programme. I plan to simply note my days in a timetable so as not to bore us all to death. So, Day 1 of the juice cleanse:
7:00am: Rise and shine.
7:20am: "Detox drink" (freshly squeezed orange juice; water; 2 tbsp psyllium husk powder). It must be drunk quickly as the ingredients thicken and solidify if left too long, so down in 1 it went. The taste was fairly harmless but not "nice" either.
7:30am - 8:30am: Meditation. This was the first time that I have ever "meditated" and involved us sitting with our eyes shut for half an hour, and then lying with our eyes shut for half an hour, focusing on our breathing throughout. It was raining heavily around the open air studio and the rhythmic falling of rain droplets and calming music definitely sent me to sleep! We shall try again tomorrow.
8:45am - 10:15am: Yoga. I believe that this was the second time that I have ever attempted yoga, although my heart wasn't in it the first time and that was a few years ago so I don't think it really counts. This experience, on the other hand, was amazing! I absolutely loved it. I was in extreme pain for a lot of it but I learnt that I have good balance and flexibility in some areas, and absolutely none in others. I learnt the "sun salutation", "mountain pose" and "warrior pose", as well as how to perform the "downward dog" position correctly. My body felt so much loser and lighter afterwards and, although I know the importance of stretching as well as exercising, yoga has been easy to side-line from my life on the basis that it is less important and I don't have enough time to do both. Yoga is blooming hard though and it is absolutely going to be making a regular appearance in my weekly routine from now on. I felt thoroughly exercised and energised from my sesh!
10:15am - 11:40am: Researched things to do in Hua Hin in my room.
11:40am - 1pm: Exercised in room and showered.
1pm: "Lunch" - "Wheatgrass shot". It tasted "green" and was neither nice nor nasty. I then had the "Green vegetable juice" (kale; cucumber; celery). This was bloody disgusting; it was bitter and mouth-drying. Unpleasant to say the least.
I decided that I deserved my treat of the day after downing that horrid concoction and ordered my "coconut water".
Obviously, DELICIOUS, and tasted even better than usual as it was the first yummy and refreshing thing that I had put in my mouth all day.
1:30pm - 4pm: Due to the weather being an ARSE with a cloudy sky and intermittent rain, I sat in my (very comfortable) bed and updated the blog for ya'll, and may or may not have checked out some cheeky xmas present options.
4pm: "Liver flush drink" (orange juice; lemon juice; ginger; garlic; cayenne pepper). Surprisingly nice is all I have to say; a VERY spicy orange juice that I kind of enjoyed in a weird way!
The burning sensation in my mouth also left me feeling like I'd actually eaten a nice, hot curry, rather than drank a small glass of juice. Oh how I wish. Missing you already food, although I would take the liver flush drink over my vile green lunchtime beverage any day.
4:30pm - 5:30pm: 1 hour Thai massage. The life.
5:30pm - 19:00pm: Continued to work on the blog and research things to do in Hua Hin.
19:00pm - 20:00pm: "Vegetable broth" (dish water... Ok, water that has had the vegetables strained out of it). As you can imagine, not particularly flavoursome or satisfying!
Followed by a "dessert" of "Spirulina shake" (1 tbsp Spirulina with your choice of pineapple, watermelon or coconut water) made with watermelon.
The drink was refreshing but the taste of spirulina rather overpowering. It was definitely better than ending my meal on the dish water note though!
20:00pm - 12:00am: Sorted out restaurant options for Hua Hin and organised some activities.
12:00am: Lights out.
How I felt throughout the day: I felt a little weak and lightheaded but not particularly hungry, although I was jealous of people eating around me. I did have a bit of a headache, which is unusual for me, but on reflection I don't think I drank enough water because I always drink when I eat! Will try to drink more tomorrow.
Monday:
Day 2:
07:00am: Dragged myself out of bed, feeling very sleepy.
07:20am: "Detox drink" (freshly squeezed orange juice; water; 2 tbsp psyllium husk powder). Again, harmless and down in 1 since it starts to thicken rather rapidly; I suppose this helps keep hunger at bay in the stomach!
07:30am - 08:30am: Meditation. It was (thankfully) taken by a person different to yesterday, as the guy from yesterday was German and bleeding difficult to understand, which was a little distracting. I did, however, fall asleep again. Rather impossible not to really when you've just stumbled out of bed and are lying on the floor with your eyes closed listening to the sound of waves crashing. Will try to stay awake for the whole session tomorrow!
08:40am: "Wheatgrass shot":
08:45am - 10:15am: Yoga. Again, we had a different instructor to yesterday but she was equally as excellent and the moves we did totally different, so that was great from my perspective. I was already sore from the previous day; it's definitely seriously good stuff. Plus, yogies always have great bods and go through half the sweat (but not pain), so I really should incorporate it into my life.
10:40am - 11:30am: Exercised in the room.
11:45am - 14:25am: Laid by the pool catching intermittent rays and praying that the sun would make a permanent appearance. Simultaneously did lots of online xmas shopping research and tried to organise Christmas dinner in Hua Hin.
12:30am: "Coconut water". The saviour of the day.
14:30pm: "Carrot juice" (no explanation needed). Went down a treat.
15:00pm - 16:00pm: Showered and continued to organise the Petersen/Oliver/Fairbairn party's lives from the other side of the world. Now I know what it's like to be you mother... you can have your job baaaack, haha.
16:00pm: Watched a video and was given instructions on how to perform my Colema.
16:30pm - 17:30pm: Performed my Colema. Pooed myself, literally, when looking at this Frankenstein-esque scene.
Thankfully it wasn't too difficult to do and I was pretty mind blown at the process, but I shan't go into details on that one. You'll just have to try it for yoself! But I do recommend it.
17:30pm - 18:30pm: Thai massage. The lovely little lady took out my hairband before giving me a head massage and then, when I was told to sit up at the end, started carefully tying it up for me before I realised what was going on. How cute is that?
18:30pm - 19:30pm: Sorted out my transport from Koh Samui to Hua Hin on Thursday so I can FINALLY be reunited with my beauties.
19:30pm - 20:00pm: Drank a bowl of dish water, sorry, "Vegetable broth", which I followed with a much tastier glass of pure "Watermelon juice":
20:00pm - 12:00am: Read through a load of my favourite health blogs and recipes and wished that I had their life.
12:00am: Bedtime. Dreamt of being paid for being a foodie.
How I felt throughout the day: Well-energised with no dizziness. I felt totally normal to be honest and there wasn't a single point in the day when I felt hungry. The mind is a powerful thing, eh? I still don't think I drank enough water but it's hard when all you are consuming is liquid but am going to be on top of my game tomorrow. (I probably did still drink 2 litres... just not enough by my usual standards haha).
Tuesday:
Day 3:
07:00am: Alarm got reset for an hour later, BUT then I dragged my lazy arse out of bed.
07:20am: "Detox drink" (freshly squeezed orange juice; water; 2 tbsp psyllium husk powder). The taste of this is surprisingly growing on me and really fills you up!
07:30am - 08:30am: Meditation. Like a boss I didn't fall asleep; mostly because there was no lying down involved and the guy leading it was a bit of a nutcase doing face stretching exercises and making intriguing noises.
08:40am: Wheatgrass shot. Mmmm, green.
08:45am - 10:15am: Yoga. We had the same instructor as the day before who was excellent. It's so bizarre how flexible I am in some areas and how completely stiff I am in others; it's like I'm two different people! Definitely improving on my "downward facing dog" position though and learnt a few new moves. Will be sore in the morning.
10:40am - 11:30am: Exercised in the room.
11:30am - 3:00pm: Sunbathed/(tried to... caught every hopeful ray that made it's way through the evil clouds) and read my book.
12:30pm: "Coconut water" was consumed. Again, the saviour of the day.
14:30pm: "Tropical veggie juice" (carrot; orange; beetroot). Definitely one of the better drinks that I've had. To be fair, none of them have been too bad bar the dreaded "Green vegetable juice".
3:30pm - 17:00pm: Went on a hunt for a beauticians that did eyebrow and eyelash tinting. Was successful... ish. After literally grilling the woman as to whether or not this was a job she performed regularly, she assured me she could do a good job. It doesn't usually take over an hour to complete a bit of tinting and, with a pretty raw eye/eyebrow area, I was starting to dread what I was about to face in the mirror. Slightly stained skin; very, VERY black eyebrows, and some messy black dots around my eyelashes is what I was left to contend with. At £9, I left reasonably happy as I don't think it's anything a few days and a good exfoliator can't fix.
17:30pm: "Liver flush drink" (orange juice; lemon juice; ginger; garlic; cayenne pepper). I bloody love this you know. It's so good to boost your immune system and metabolism, and I really enjoy it.
18:00pm - 19:00pm: Thai massage. I'm not sure this could be classified as a massage... I'm pretty sure at home it would be deemed a beating up. She was pummeling me with her tiny, strong fingers and hands and pulling me in every direction. Already feeling tender!
19:30pm - 20:00pm: You know what's coming... "Vegetable broth". So delicious. I added a ton of chili flakes (which, at times, I must admit I did regret) to add some flavour.
"Dessert" was "Spirulina shake", today made with apple juice. It was probably my favourite flavour combo so far.
20:00pm - 11:30pm: I discovered the beauty of the "TV room", as there is no TV in my room, and watched "Bridget Jones Diary" and half of "Sex & The City Movie" whilst compiling my January recipe shortlist. It was a rather enjoyable evening!
How I felt throughout the day: HUNGRY. Thankfully I didn't feel lightheaded but God, did I have an appetite. I simply just wanna chomp my teeth into something! 1 day to go...
Wednesday:
Day 4/THE END IS NEAR:
07:00am: The alarm rang but was promptly reset for an hour later. There was no "championing" and getting out of bed that morning; I was simply too tired. Plus, I think I need a little more time practicing the "art of meditation" slightly later in the day to beat the urge to fall asleep.
08:00am: Up time.
08:30am: "Detox drink". The last one... the end of an era! They are miraculously filling so may well just be missed.
08:45am - 10:15am: Yoga, with the same instructor as the first day, which was great as his style and choice of moves is totally different to that of the instructor that we had for the last 2 days, and it's great to mix things up. Yoga every day will absolutely be missed; I have a long way to go before I get those feet flat in "downward facing dog".
10:40am - 11:30am: Exercised in the room.
12:00am: "Coconut water". Oh how I love you so. I don't know what I'm going to do when I leave Asia... 13 days to go before the daily coconut disappears from my world.
12:00am - 15:30pm: Sat in my bikini in the TV room praying for the sun to make an appearance but, instead, watched the rest of "Sex & The City Movie", "About a Boy" and glared at the rain falling outside the window. (The weather bloody well better be better in Hua Hin!!!).
15:30pm: "Tropical veggie juice" (carrot; orange; beetroot). Was my favourite drink so far so no harm having it for a second day in a row.
Plus I had my "Wheatgrass shot".
15:30pm - 16:00pm: Joined a "tea party" with others staying at the hotel, hosted by the crazy health nut that invented the various programmes offered here, who is totally bald and clean shaven bar a long pubey line of hair protruding from his chin. It was nice to speak to some of the others but to be honest I have no real interest in making friends whilst I'm here so I had a little tea and chat before getting down to serious business.
16:00pm - 17:00pm: Colema time. I shan't go into detail but, seriously, very interesting process and results if anyone feels inclined to give it a try.
17:00pm - 18:00pm: Thai massage. So sad that these daily included treats are over.
18:00pm - 19:00pm: Packed and beautified myself ready for the big reunion. I AM SO EXCITED.
19:30pm - 20:00pm: "Vegetable broth", which will absolutely NOT be missed. God I cannot wait to eat real food tomorrow. Holy s*** a lizard just fell out of the sky and landed on my hand. Definitely just screamed in the restaurant. Whoops.
My "Spirulina shake" today was, again, made with apple juice, as it was simply my favourite of the various combos I have tried, so why not!
20:00pm - 22:30pm: Watched the rest of "About a Boy" in the TV room and continued my food blog obsession. I am so excited to get cooking!
22:30pm: Bedtime. I am so excited I can barely contain myself. All packed and alarm set for 6am. Family are in the air. Please God let everything go smoothly.
How I felt throughout the day: I felt a little hungry and lethargic but nothing overpowering. I mostly just want to rip my teeth into a huge, juicy, rare steak. BUT, most importantly, I completed the cleanse
and succeeded on my plan to not eat any solids (the fruit plate) and had 1 less veggie juice than permitted per day, hopefully aiding the cleanse and a little bit of weight loss pre-Christmas and New Years bingeing! Woohooooo.
Thoughts on the juice cleanse: It was absolutely manageable and I am glad that I did it. I am sure that it's done the body some good, which was the overall aim, and I am leaving feeling accomplished and healthier. I intend to incorporate more juices into my diet at home as it's such an easy way to cram in extra veggies, minerals and nutrients, plus some of them really don't taste too bad. I would recommend it for anyone trying to beat the belly bloat and put a smile on their face. See ya later juice cleanse, now get me some fooooood.
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